“We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.” -Alan Watts
I had a first date with this guy one time that was so amazing…he picked me up, we went to the cutest little Italian bar and had 4 glasses of wine each, had amazing conversation, played guitar and sang to each other back at my apartment, and then it ended with one of the best kisses I’ve ever had in my life. He never called me again.
One of my best friends met a guy out of the blue on set whom she shared a high school friend with, had an amazing date with him, had crazy chemistry, had mind-blowing sex in which the condom broke, and she never heard from him again.
Another of my close friends met a friend of mutual friends at a BBQ on the 4th of July and they shared one of those nights that you see happen only in the movies. They left the awesome party and ran around NYC and stopped at different bars for drinks, shared hot dogs together, had amazing rooftop conversation until the sun came up, and had amazing sex that morning. He was from the South and such a gentleman that he wanted to take her to dinner the next day and have a proper date. The dinner date was amazing but after that they had about 2 weeks of casual run-ins until he pulled away…
I met the hottest, smartest, most amazing guy while shopping for a new computer at Best Buy 2 weeks ago and felt such an automatic and intense connection with him and that shit NEVER happens to me. I gave him my number, which I NEVER do with strangers, and we went out last week for drinks. The chemistry was on fire and there was such obvious physical attraction. I haven’t heard from him since. Day 8 and counting…
What the fuck, hmmm? Why does this happen? What does it mean and why is the world so cruel and confusing??
We will never know. The only person that knows for sure is the person who put an end to it. Trying to know why will only drive you crazy if you let it. Because here is the thing, you cannot control the actions of others and you can never know what they are really thinking and feeling (unless they tell you of course, and even then they are probably lying or putting it through some kind of filter) so why let it affect you?
They weren’t meant for you. They were probably a psychopath or a sociopath, or had an addiction, or were a cheater, or had halitosis, or were terrible in the bedroom. Maybe not, but at least you can THINK any one of these things to let yourself down easier.
I love that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie says to the Russian on their second date, “I haven’t heard from you for 3 weeks. I thought you died or something…” She and the Russian DID end up together for a while, but the cool thing was that Carrie didn’t freak out or wonder why he wasn’t calling. She was just cool and knowing that something or someone else could come along that she could get just as excited about. But dudes, for the love of fuck, no matter how busy you are, don’t wait 3 weeks to call someone after a first date.
Here’s the thing. If even one guy (or girl) is crossing your path, it’s a good thing whether it works out or not. Because it means that you are open, available, and ready. Unfortunately it may not be the mind set for that other person or they aren’t interested in pursuing you further, but at least you are attracting SOMETHING. Because we have all been through periods of time where literally no one has asked us out for months and we feel like we are def gonna die alone. But if that is the case, it’s important to figure out what’s going on with YOU and why you aren’t being approached.
You get what you give.
Only loving people find love.
If you are in an angry place, a sad place, a cynical place, etc. you aren’t going to attract many people (especially not the RIGHT people) and you need to do some more work on yourself. Which is why rebound relationships usually end up so toxic and dependent. No matter who broke up with who in the previous relationship, no one can come out of that being a whole, well rounded person immediately.
So that guy you met who you thought was awesome and never called? He may have just broken up with someone and realized he wasn’t ready. Timing is everything and if it’s even off, even just barely slightly, for one person then it’s over.
That person that fucked you and then you never heard from again was an asshole but just keep in mind that there are a bajillion people in this world and that a new and better opportunity will be coming your way. You are ON THE RIGHT TRACK. It’s coming. Every rejection feels like a punch in the face and can knock even the most confident person down a few pegs, but the more people you come into contact with the more chance you have of finding the right match.
You have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your prince or princess. The stars will align and the universe complies when you are truly ready to give and receive something amazing. It may take a few tries though!
Don’t lose hope. (This is a mantra I’m trying to sell to myself as much as to the rest of you.) It’s easy to dwell and agonize but it sure isn’t any fun. What’s FUN is knowing that you can, and deserve, to be with someone who is just as head over heels about you as you are about them. It DOES exist and it DOES happen. All it takes is a little faith from YOU that it may not come immediately or on your specific timeline, or with that specific person, but when you are open and loving and ready it IS coming.
Stay positive. Stay open. Stay loving. 🙂
p.s. the title is a song lyric from West Side Story…I wonder if any of you are musical theatre dorks like me and knew that without seeing the picture!