Can You Get A Man To Change His Commitment Level To You?

New essay is up on Thought Catalog! Click the link below!

xoxo

 

Can You Get A Man To Change His Commitment Level To You?

 

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Soulmates

Soulmates can manifest themselves in any kind of physical being. It can be a friend, an intimate partner, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a pet, a parent, or a sibling. I just finished reading a book for my book club called “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian L. Weiss (read it right now, it’s amazing) and it has me thinking that a soulmate might be someone showing up from a past life that had a large role in your previous life. Because how else do you explain that immediate connection, familiarity, comfort, and intensity that you feel with only a handful of people and not with others. What is it about them that makes them so special to you?

And this is where it gets super complicated and you might need to hit a bong once or twice to even let your mind go to this place, but if a soulmate is someone from our past life, do they carry over difficulties that you experienced with them in that previous life? Because I don’t know about you, but I find that the people that are my soulmates are also the people I have the most dramatic and challenging relationships with. Right from the jump. They almost feel like people who I have to keep at an arms length distance because they make me feel SO high but also SO low. I love them more than anyone else, but I also fight with them more. I feel closer to them but I also want to kill them.

I’ve probably just explained most romantic relationships, and to be honest, if your relationship isn’t like that, it probably isn’t worth having. Or is it?

Maybe we aren’t supposed to be with our soulmates because of how turbulent and intense those relationships can be. Maybe we really are supposed to be with some vanilla partner who will “make a good father” or who “is very loyal and stable” or who “treats me well” but doesn’t necessarily stimulate me mentally and always keeps my emotions at an even level.

Because when you think about all of the turns that life can take, don’t you want to make sure that, at the very least, your life partner doesn’t have the ability to make you feel borderline homicidal? When children come into the mix or when a parent gets sick or one partner loses his job our has to relocate for the job it seems like you can only get through that with someone who doesn’t set your brain/mind/heart/body on fire with how they respond?

My ex had (and has) the ability to completely change the course of my day with one text. One single text can cause me to come completely unglued and not be able to focus for the rest of the day. This person who I shared two precious years of my life with can affect me THAT much with one text. He knows it and I know it’s the same on his end too which is why we’ve chosen to reach out so sparingly.

It feels like a drug. I need more. I want more. Once I get a taste of even the slightest bit I become obsessed with the idea of giving up everything I worked so hard to repair just for one day, one night, one kiss.

I hate that he has that much control over the stability of my emotions. And that’s why it feels so dangerous to even entertain the idea of reconciliation. How can I possibly spend the rest of my life with someone who knows that with a couple words tossed out without restraint can ruin me?

A relationship with a soulmate is never going to be easy. It’s going to be a constant, daily exercise of treading lightly and holding oneself back. Because everything between you two is on fire. Passionate, burning, hot, beautiful fire. To survive the day to day it requires putting all that desire aside just to function.

But why then do we have the ability to experience this kind of deep relationship with someone who we aren’t meant to be with? It seems like a cruel joke the universe is playing on us. Because any relationship we have that is less than that will feel unfulfilling, even if it is with someone who is MORE stable and MORE supportive and MORE caring.

I guess the obvious answer is that they are just there to teach us the lessons. Maybe that’s why they show up from the past life. The lessons still haven’t been learned even across lifetimes. But what a dope setup it could be to be with someone who you learn and grow with and also have a stable, healthy relationship with! Is that not a thing? Maybe it is a thing just for a short period of time and then you move on. And you mate and procreate with the one who will be like a faithful dog. Unconditionally loving you and making you feel at peace no matter what.

Or…OR…you and the soulmate are too underdeveloped and unrefined to make a relationship work at this time. But at some point in the near future it can be SO good. Once the fire turns into a deep desire to make things work with the one who makes your heart sing. It might be painful sometimes but it will be more beautiful than any other experience you have had across ALL lifetimes.