For creative people, part of the job requires that we feel more and experience more fully. Live more symbolically. Develop the kind of empathy that allows us to relate to everyone on a deep, personal level. How can one expect to create meaningful art if they don’t completely surrender to an open heart?
The trade-off to having those beautiful gifts, especially for women, is that it makes us more emotional. Too sensitive. Unable to handle and process pain. Our soft hearts make us more accessible to both good AND bad.
There is a quote by Alan Watts that says, “We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain” and a truer statement has never been uttered. And for an emotional person those high highs and low lows are beautiful and honest, but also challenging to deal with.
How can a person like this ever expect to be in a healthy relationship?
I’ve come to this point in my life where I truly feel like I can either be single and healthy, or in a relationship and in a constant state of emotional unrest and hypersensitivity.
I thought things would change once I grew up and matured. I thought maybe the problem was the guys I was choosing. I thought that I just needed more learning experiences. I thought that maybe I could just settle for someone who I felt no spark for.
But alas, I have done all those things and yet still continuously struggle for any semblance of a healthy partnership. Is this my plight in life? Is this just something I have to accept?
Maybe once I meet the one all of this will fall away. Maybe I will just have to work much harder than in the past to constantly keep a level head. Maybe I will have to give in to prescription drugs to numb the thoughts and feelings.
Every guy who has ever been in my life in any kind of romantic capacity I have fought endlessly with. My friends ask me why that is and what do we fight about? I don’t know. Everything. Because for me, once I have reached a level of intimacy where I have fully let my guard down and opened my heart, every single thing he does or says affects me.
There is a line that emotional girls like me know needs to not be crossed, but always does. That line of excusing intimacy as a reason to make everything personal. How can we love someone so much and yet be able to separate ourselves and our feelings from getting in the way of everyday life?
We can’t seem to control what we’re feeling while in a relationship. We’re red hot, on fire all the time. Sometimes, if we are 100% sober and not PMS-ing, we can explain how we are feeling in a calm way. But it’s rare. We mainly operate on two levels when we’re upset (which is a lot): passionate, angry rage, or absolute, overwhelming sadness. Few people can deal with us when we’re like that. We can barely deal with ourselves.
With ex boyfriends if I felt like I wasn’t getting enough love I felt terrified that he would leave me and I would act out. If he didn’t kiss me enough in the course of a day I would feel neglected. If he showed even a remote amount of attention to another woman I would feel an urge to strangle that woman with my bare hands and then want to make-out with another man in front of him just to get him back. Crazy, unstable tendencies.
Sometimes we have issues in friendships too. We will take certain things to heart that weren’t meant that way and it can cause tension. But the major difference is that we are not involved with our friends intimately, so there’s a separation that allows us to function in a healthy way.
So what is the solution? I’m still trying to figure that out. Do we have to be labeled the “difficult girl” the rest of our lives and find a shmuck whom is able to put up with it for a short while until he reaches his breaking point?
When I think down the line of all the life events that might come up with a partner, it gives me anxiety. Can you imaging trying to deal with an emotional girl while she is pregnant? With hormones going crazy? When she is planning her wedding? Dealing with a death?
The only times when I can remember feeling long term happiness are when I have blocked out my feelings so hard that I no longer felt anything. Which obviously isn’t how one reaches ultimate satisfaction, but at least no one can hurt you if you feel nothing. If you aren’t feeling hurt then you can feel free to live your life without distraction.
But by blocking pain, you block everything else too. So it’s not a logistical solution.
The bright side of being with an emotional girl is that she experiences happiness and joy at the same kind of intense level. No one else will appreciate your love more. It’s very easy to make her happy with minimal effort and she will always express that gratitude. Her expressions of love will make you weep at the sincerity and raw emotion, that of which most people never even skim the surface. You will never receive a card from her with a handwritten part that merely says, “I love you, Lauren”. It will be an outpouring of feelings for you.
I’m not the kind of person who just says, “sorry, this is how I am. Take it or leave it”. I am constantly working on myself and trying to be better and more mature. But at this point, I’ve come to wonder if this is just what I have to accept and that I hope someone, someday can deal with me for a lifetime.
But if not, I have also accepted the alternative reality. Maybe emotional people are just better suited to be alone.