Hey, How Are You, What’s Your Sign?


The little crush I have on my young and taken friend whom we shall refer to as “Teen Wolf” has started to wear off and I’m seeing this situation more clearly now. One night when we were having a very late texting session I asked him what his sign was. “Cancer,” he replied. And suddenly everyyyyyything made sense. 

You see, my ex-boyfriend (whom we shall call The Producer), who is the only man I’ve been in a long-term relationship with, was also a Cancer and I was drawn to him like white on rice. Because, as Teen Wolf pointed out, Aries’ LOVE Loverboys. We SO do. One of Aries’ less appealing character traits is that we are a little hard on the outside and only the smooth talking of a Loverboy can get us to drop all of our protections and feel alive and real and open. And he did that. Which is great.

You know what’s NOT great? The fact that The Producer cheated on me and Teen Wolf and I are toe-ing that line. Loverboys not only love their girlfriend, but they sometimes love the attention other girls will give them. A real man would know that what he has is special and that no one else is worth ruining that for, however, while a Cancer man (or ANY man, really) is under the age of 30 there is definitely a chance that his eyes will wander.

Cancers are a little needy. They have a lot of emotions and feelings and need to be coddled a little bit. If their girlfriend is long-distance or if they are having problems in their current relationship sometimes they feel the urge to get noticed by someone else. 

What’s good about a Cancer though is that they give just as much as they need. When I was with The Producer I never questioned for one second how he felt about me. He was romantic and sweet and always affectionate. He shared his deepest, darkest feelings with me and listened to mine while wiping away my tears.

Obviously Teen Wolf and I haven’t gone to near that level, but I realized that I felt closer to Teen Wolf in a couple weeks then I ever felt to Boyband in the 2 years that we had been on and off sleeping together, and I hadn’t felt that happy and excited in a long time. Which got me thinking: maybe Teen Wolf was in my life as a lesson to get me to realize that I need a guy who showers me with attention. That is just what is right for me.

In a lot of ways, especially in the beginning of dating someone, I can be like a guy. Emotionally unavailable, cold-hearted, guarded. I need someone to show me that it’s okay to be vulnerable. A lot of Cancers are like that. I’m not saying I have to be with a Cancer again, especially because The Crab and The Ram definitely get into nasty fights, but I need someone who is LIKE that. 

Boyband is a Scorpio. Not only did we fight like crayyyyyy (you can’t mix fire with fire) but it takes the jaws of life to get a Scorpio to open up and express any sort of emotion. The first time he told me he loved me was after a night where I was relentlessly flirting with other dudes (another bad trait of an Aries) and acting like an asshole. He picked a fight with me, told me he loved me, and then left my apartment. I apologized for my behavior a couple days later and when I brought up what he said he denied ever saying it. Not only was I confused, but it made me feel like shit. I CANNOT handle that kind of emotional roller coaster. 

The other man that I’ve had a casual relationship with in recent years, we will call him The Columbian, was a Gemini and constantly changing his mind about me. One day he would be telling me about all the people in his life he wanted to introduce me to and the next day he was breaking up with me because he was ready for marriage and kids and he could tell I wasn’t there yet (he was 11 years my senior). One week he was cooking me dinner and telling me about his strained relationship with his mom and the next week he wasn’t answering my texts. He called me on the regular to talk for hours (whyyyy do Gemini’s love to talk on the damn phone so much!?) and yet would always have 19 things he had to do that day and couldn’t meet for lunch. Not only was it confusing but it was fucking annoying. Get your life together, Gemini’s. (Btw, I have A LOT of Gemini friends. Obviously I like them, but they are flighty as fuck. Good as friends, not good for dating.)

I really hate to put so much emphasis on Zodiac signs, I REALLY do, but I can’t help but notice that every sign shares GLARING similarities and that maybe that is all you need to know to see if you can be compatible with someone. It takes away SO much of the guess work. Scorpio, Gemini, and Virgo (they are way too hyper-sensitive and analytical) are no’s for my strong Aries personality. Cancer, Libra (those romantic little fuckers), and Aquarius (Abraham Lincoln was one, need I say more) are yes’s. Taurus, Sag, and Capricorn are on the cusp for me. Pisces seems like they would fit the bill in terms of being a loving and affectionate sign but I fear my bluntness would constantly offend them. Leo seems like a good idea in theory, but I fear we would constantly be in competition with each other (fire and fire again).

I’ve decided to use this as my filtering system to prevent myself from falling too far down the rabbit hole with someone who isn’t right for me anymore. After 30 years I’ve come to know myself very well and what I can put up with and what I need. There is no sense in getting attached to someone who doesn’t jive with you. Now, if I was completely swept off my feet by a Scorpio tomorrow, he would have to prove to me that he’s different from the rest. No easy task. So until then, imma stick to what works and makes me happy. 🙂