I Do Not Envy Your Shitty Relationship

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This is a conversation one of my good friends had with me last night:

“You need to get out more. You should join a rec league.” (NOPE. This makes me want to vomit in my mouth more than I can even explain. And I am a former ATHLETE too!)

“Are you serious? I am out more than a 21 year old college student.” -Me

“Well why don’t you get on Tinder then?”

“Why in the ever loving fuck would I do that?” -Me

“To just chit chat.”

“Why in the ever loving fuck would I just want to chit chat with STRANGERS?!”

By the way, this conversation wasn’t the least bit provoked by me. I was lamenting the fact that I needed to move on from Boyband, but was in no way asking for advice on how to get dates or find new men. I find plenty of men, without the help of Tinder or rec leagues thank you very much, I’m just being patient and waiting for when it’s right. I wish I could get under someone else in order to get over Boyband but I also know that I get easily emotionally attached by being physically intimate, so it would only transfer my pain onto someone new. Not smart.

Anyway, after this conversation my friend revealed to me that her boyfriend of a year and a half and her hadn’t been having sex. She said they were lucky to get it in once or twice a MONTH. AND he is a bit older than her and has no plans to have children, which has been a goal of hers for forever. She knows there is an expiration date and yet continues to waste her best years on him. 😦

I have another friend who hadn’t had sex with her boyfriend in almost a YEAR until the dry spell was broken by a threesome recently. WHAT THE F. My other friends and I are completely baffled by this. The conclusions we have drawn are that the boyfriend is either gay or addicted to porn.

I have another friend who is super recently separated from her husband after about a year of being unhappy. She married at 23 (way too young, please don’t ever do that) to a man almost 20 years her senior and British, which was doomed from the start. At 23 you are going to be going through A LOT of changes and at 40 you are pretty much done changing and stuck in your ways. He was very controlling and had addiction issues which led to a lot of mental and emotional abuse for her.

I have another friend who is recently separated from her husband because it had been revealed that he was a full blown sex addict who was a member of multiple fetish websites and online dating sites and could be found trolling Craigslist for blow jobs from strangers on the regular WHILE MARRIED. This is especially upsetting because I was under the impression that this was the absolute perfect couple whose relationship I aspired to have. From the outside it seemed like a fairytale. And it was, until the rug was ripped out from under my poor friend.

I have another (former) friend whose husband married her for a green card unbeknownst to her (it’s amazing how drunk and manipulated we get on love sometimes) and was also revealed to be a porn and sex addict.

I was at a birthday party recently for a friend and was feeling a little lonely because all of the girls who were there who I thought were single suddenly had dates to bring to the party. They chatted away intimately with their dates or in little groups of foursomes while I preceded to get hammered off of Fireball shots and tried to figure out how to stream the Pacers/Heat game on my phone. (I grew up with four brothers, leave me alone.)

A couple days after the party my friend Lisa told me that our friend Annie and her date had already broken it off because he had trouble getting it up. She said that she believed Annie had tried to turn a friendship into something more but that it failed because there was no chemistry or sexual attraction.

My point is that a relationship doesn’t always equal happiness. And from the outside any relationship could present something completely opposite to what goes on behind closed doors. I choose to be single and wait for what will hopefully be an amazing partnership rather than latch onto something that is wrong or flawed from the beginning. I am mindful of red flags and know myself enough to know whose personality would clash with mine and who I have no chemistry with. I’m not saying I am better or smarter than my friends, but I do think that when it comes to relationships, being picky is a valuable asset to have.

Some relationships of course start off amazing and then tank as it goes on. That’s the risk you take when you choose to make that leap. And most of the time the rewards outweigh the risks. You just have to be cautious.

But watching all of my friends go through this and then dole out relationship advice to me is quite humorous to say the least. It’s almost like it’s what they wish they were doing instead of being stuck in a shitty relationship. Because most of the time it doesn’t even have anything to do with me and what my life is really like. I appreciate their efforts to help me not BE SAD AND SINGLE YOU POOR THING!, but maybe they should focus on fixing their own relationship.

No relationship is perfect and everyone probably has a thing or two that they need to work on even in super happy relationships, but currently I am beyond thrilled that I don’t have to be expending that effort. It feels really good to come home from work late at night and put on sweatpants and watch Chelsea Lately and eat peanut butter straight from the jar instead of sadly trying to figure out why my man has a limp dick and no sex drive. I would take being single over being in a bad or wrong relationship a million times over.

Those stupid girls who are always in a relationship aren’t more attractive or desirable than you. They are just dependent and unable to be happy on their own. There are 27 guys who I could’ve laughed and charmed my way into being with this year, but instead I choose to hold out. This way I can wait for what I deserve and learn as much as possible about myself and bring a whole, awesome being to a mature and real relationship.

I really hope all of my friends can find healing and happiness and/or be strong enough to leave a relationship that’s not right. It’s really hard as a woman to go through life on your own and be self-sufficient. And it’s super hard to find people who are ready and committed to having a healthy relationship here in LA, but it is possible. All it takes is a dash of hope, a whole and healthy mind, an open heart, and a lot of patience. 🙂

 

xx

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